I have been working with single women for almost 2 years and I am starting to see some patterns emerge. As my clients start to shift from surviving to thriving, I see these characteristics take root in their life.
1. They own where they are
It’s like there are no more excuses. Typically when I first meet a client it might be their past, a guy, their job, or family relationships that is why they are where they are. They have tons of evidence for me about how if that would just change then their life could be different. But as they start to understand why they act the way they do, they start to take on complete ownership of where they are. Words like I am creating that, start coming out of their mouth. They begin to have an understanding that no one got them here. They did, and also no one can get them to where they want to be only they can. Which is great news! Once you understand how you got here it is a whole lot easier to understand how you can get there, to wherever you really want to be in the future.
2. They are creating the future they want
They know what they want and why they want it. They understand the little amount of time they have here on Earth to co-create their life with God. They understand goals and the purpose of them. They know how to manage their mind around doing things outside of their comfort zone and allowing for negative feelings that they avoided at all costs before. They start to dream again and steward the desires that they have. They know that excuses only create drama and pull them away from the main priorities of their life.
3. They accept what is
They no longer fight against how their life is. They accept their family, job, bank account, housing situation, and even themselves for exactly the way they are. They look at themselves completely different than before. Instead of harping on all that they aren’t they really open up to who they are and why they are that way. They don’t waste energy on things that are outside of their control and they focus on what is in their control, the way they think, feel, and act.
4. They no longer make singleness mean anything about them
They understand that singleness is a neutral circumstance that God has allowed for their life. They get to think about it however they want but they are completely whole regardless. Singleness is not a punishment, or a deciding factor of if they are lovable or not. They don’t use their singleness as a measuring stick against others or to feel behind, not enough, or left out. They choose to look at singleness in a way that helps them get to where they really want and to honor God along the way.
5. They take care of themselves
They know that it’s not anyone else’s job to take care of them. They know exactly what they need and why they need it. If they aren’t getting enough sleep, alone time, time with God, friends, or for relaxation they know who is creating that. They stop putting themselves on the back burner trying to please everyone else. They don’t do things out of obligation but out of their own desires. They know how to allow emotions and not buffer, which only creates greater negative emotion and problems in their life. They know if they don’t like the results they have in their life, they can take steps to change that.
6. They know who they are & whose they are
They have taken the time to decide how they are going to think about themselves. They know that God created them and that the way they experience who He created is up to them. They purposefully look at themselves in a way that celebrates who they are and how they were made. They don’t try and be different, instead they try and use how God made them in a way that honors, encourages, and draws people back to Him. They know who others are and how God made them as well. They have learned to see the humanness in themselves and accept it in others as well.
7. They encourage other single women
They know they are not in a competition. They know there are amazing women in this same season. They have nothing to lose by loving and encouraging those around them. There are enough amazing guys to go around to all of us. They are able to celebrate when someone else leaves singleness behind for dating, marriage, or kiddos. They know that others are 100% lovable and amazing just the way they are and that their ability to enjoy them is all up to them.
Watching women go from surviving to thriving never gets old.
I watch woman after woman take her power back.
I watch women choose themselves instead of constantly tossing themselves on the back burner.
I see women come out of hiding and start playing BIG.
I see women peel back layer after layer to get back to who God originally made them to be, the version not held back by her past, others, or the way she “should be”.
I share all of this not so you have more evidence that you are doing it wrong, I share this so you know what’s possible. You can thrive. You can see what got you here and why. You can see where you want to be and what it will take you to get there.
I know how to do that. I have the process and the tools.
