Understanding that I’m completely responsible for my relationship with myself really allowed me to do some soul searching.
Do I like me? Do I enjoy being with me? Do I think kind and nice thoughts about me?
And what I came to realize is that I hadn’t put much time and energy into my relationship with myself. As a 2 on the enneagram and a helper I was very concerned with my relationships with others. Wanting to feel loved and known by so many, but not really understanding that I wasn’t choosing to do that to me. I hadn’t figured out how to develop a great relationship with myself.
So, it was time to change that.
I wanted a better relationship with me and I knew I could do that. I had a belief that I loved others really well, so I could in theory love myself well too. (Although I must say I was really good at giving that job to others)
So, I set out to totally change the way I think, feel, and ultimately treat myself.
I’m sharing 8 tips today that I implemented to transform my relationship with myself:
1. I know I am 100% worthy, valuable, and lovable just the way I am, not because of what I do, have, or others think of me, but because God made me this way. This is mind blowing when you stop and understand there is nothing I have to do to be more lovable. My ability to love me just as I am was on me. If I chose not to love myself I was choosing to do that. I didn’t need to not love me because I didn’t do things perfectly, or even to the standard that I had set for myself. I can just know and believe that the way that I am is amazing. I enjoy and experience who I am, when I take the time to enjoy who God made me to be. I was so good at others getting “Angied” but I never “Angied” myself. Then I figured out how to. You may need to show yourself the same love that you do to others….
2. I accept that I’m human and make mistakes, and I don’t expect perfection from others or myself. That is why we need a Savior, He knew all along we would fail, and He set it up that way. He knew we would mess up. He allowed for that. But do I allow for that? When I realized that I was constantly angry at myself for not being perfect I realized that I was creating this whole struggle with myself and I didn’t have to. God didn’t have to struggle with me, or wish I was better than I am. He accepts me fully, just as I am without needing me to change. I can too.
3. I choose to remind myself that my body and mind are in partnership together and don’t have to fight. I can see where I am at emotionally & physically, and I don’t shame or guilt myself for not being better, thinner, more_______, less________ etc. I see where I am and I talk kindly to myself to understand why I’m feeling, thinking, or doing what I’m doing. I don’t get mad at myself when I am not acting the way I want. If I am tired or slacking, I don’t beat myself up. I work with my body. I use my mind to think about my body in a way that appreciates and works together. If I have a headache, or cramps, or am extra hungry, I don’t wish I was different. I get curious with myself and try and solve the issues at hand instead of be mad at them.
4. I am 100% in control of my emotions. They come from my thoughts, the ones I allow or don’t allow. Nothing makes me feel anything. I feel because of what I think. Just owning that emotions don’t just happen to me helps. Seeing that sometimes I am at a place where things are hitting me emotionally a certain way is okay. I am not critical about how I am feeling. I again get curious about why I may want to be negative, mad, hurt, etc… I know that nothing has gone wrong. My negative emotions are just indicators and warning signs for me to pay attention to me. So I do.
5. I practice telling myself I love you and actually looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t make me, God did, but my ability to love and appreciate who He made me to be is a skill to learn and teach others. Giving myself love and then accepting God’s love for me helps me not need to get love from others. I have friends, family, and a spouse and kids to “get love” from but I don’t have to have it. I already love myself and experience that feeling of love. When I am needing love I know I am not doing a good job of consciously loving myself. So I practice thinking thoughts that make me love me or doing something to myself to show my love for me. The most loving thing for me is sometimes to go to bed, or to journal, or to eat healthy, or to phone a friend.
6. I allow and expect 50% negative emotion in my day. I don’t think anything has gone wrong with me when I am feeling down, unmotivated, undisciplined, tired, frustrated, etc…
7. I show up for myself and have my own back regardless of what others say, do, or think. It is amazing to know that no matter what happens I will NOT talk poorly to myself or be unkind to myself. I practice saying supportive things and asking myself curious questions when I don’t show up how I really want to. I know that when I fail or mess up I will not be greeted with unkindness or critique from me.
8. I pick me. I choose on purpose to spend time with myself. I plan it. I go on walks and think. I sit down and ask myself questions and journal to find the answers. I listen to myself. I pay attention to me. I don’t expect or need others to; I chose to do that myself.
I hope you find these tips helpful to you as you work to invest time and energy into your most precious relationship outside of your relationship with God.
I always tell my clients you will have a relationship with you for as long as you live, you might as well have the best one.
Be your own biggest fan, God already is and He wants you to experience what He experiences with you.
And if any of this resonated with you and you want help to get you there… click the button below and sign-up for a FREE 30 minute mini-session where we can see where you are, where you want to be, and what is keeping you here. (*available to those that have NOT done this before)
