When you think about how it should be you always are disappointed in the way it is. And if you keep thinking, I should be married by now, you miss out on what is right in front of you. Being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be bad. Yes there are parts to it that may be negative, but we don’t have to stop there.
Let’s make this Valentine’s Day amazing. Decide right now how you want it to be. Picture your Sunday February 14th 2021, and create it. Don’t think about what others are doing. Don’t sit in the place of I hate being single on a day all about LOVE, and just reminded of what you don’t have.
Look around you and decide what you do have and what you want.
If you want to grab other single ladies and plan something fun, do it.
If you want to grab other single guys and gals and plan a fun party, do it.
If you want to make fun treats for other single people and deliver them, make it happen.
If you have a friend that is married with kiddos and you want to babysit, offer.
But do it because you want to. Show up for yourself this Valentine’s Day and create what you most want to happen. Allow sadness, disappointment, and other negative emotions to be there, but don’t act from those. That is why deciding ahead of time is the best way to not act from those. Because when you actually ask yourself, what do I really want? You might actually listen. You might take action and create.
Having something to look forward to and get excited about helps alleviate the negative that your brain wants to offer you.
But if you want to sit at home with a bottle of wine or chocolates and drown in your sorrows of all that is not, go ahead, but know that you are choosing that, and you don’t have to. That is the unnecessary suffering that I thought I had to have. I thought I had to feel the pain of my singleness and that is where I let it define me.
You don’t have to. Singleness is just a circumstance and Valentine’s Day is just a day on the calendar that you get to think about however you want.
But don’t let your lower brain by default use it against you my friend.
There is no book out there that says, “All single women need to sit at home and suffer through this day.”
Seriously, as a married woman with kids I spend most of Valentine’s Day showing others how much I love them. It is less about romance and more about having fun with love. I think it’s an excuse to throw a party and tell everyone you love them.
For those of you who want to be confused on Valentine’s Day....
You might be “talking” to a guy. You might have gone on a few dates but don’t really know where you stand with him. You might think a guy likes you but hasn’t made the first move towards a relationship. Any scenario that could allow you to think I don’t know what is happening here will make you feel confused.
And when you feel confused about the relationship you tend to sit back and let things happen. Typically our confusion keeps us from taking action, but it leaves us in over thinking mode.
When confused, our brain typically asks questions like: What’s going on here? Are we something? Does he like me? Why is this so difficult? Why can’t he….?
All of those questions just keep your brain searching for answers that are typically hard for it to solve. So it tends to either look to your past to solve this, or look around to others, which leads to comparison.
My biggest tip for you is to answer those questions. Don’t let those sit there in your brain to over think and compare and look to your past to remind you of how it didn’t work out. Answer them. What is going on here…. And give the facts. Are we something? Answer that with clarity. Does he like me? Have you asked him? With any of the questions that your brain is offering you answer them and then redirect your brain to work and solve for you. Ask yourself questions. What do I want here? Do I like him? What do I do that makes things difficult? What am I expecting him to do and why? What do I want to have happen in this situation? Regardless of how he acts how do I want to show up right now?
Gain clarity and understanding of yourself so you know what you want and why. Then from that place decide how you want to show up for Valentine’s Day. You still may not do anything towards him at all, but your mental game will have drastically elevated from this situation.
Let this Valentine’s Day be a reminder of who you are and who God made you to be and rejoice in all that He is doing in and through you no matter what season it is.
I give you permission to create the day that you most want.
Angie
