I know that title might not sit well with you, but hear me out.
I am working on my goals and trying something new this year. I am writing my way to achieving them. Every morning I sit down and write out my goal. I write out why it’s important to me and why I am even attempting it in the first place. I map out my day of how I can take steps towards the goal.
This morning I asked myself what fears did I have about my goal and WOW… I have a few. Thoughts like- I might be doing something wrong that will keep me from actually achieving my goal…I’m fearful of missing out on something while I am spending time working on my goal…I’m not 100% certain that it will happen… I’m afraid that this is a stupid goal, and that I’m wasting my time “trying” for it. And there’s more where that came from.
That’s a lot of stuff in there, all generating fear.
And, fear typically keeps us from moving forward. Fear stops us.
But, fear is there and I can’t hide it, or run from it. So, now I run towards it.
Before I would’ve thought something was wrong if I had all of these doubts and fears. I would’ve thought that if I was feeling this way then I shouldn’t be trying for it at all. Now, I know that this is actually good. These fears are coming from my lower brain. My brain is doing its job when it tries to bring this to my attention. So, actually having fear means I am on to something. It means I am leaving the cave and my brain doesn’t want me to go out. My brain wants me to stay inside the cave where I am safe, and not in danger. But, no one wants to live his or her life in a cave. We want to go out, explore, and adventure. Chasing our goals is like creating an adventure for you.
Knowing that fear is going to be there is the first step in being able to actually use it to our advantage.That is why I am saying YES to fear. When I see what I am fearful of and I don’t try and ignore it, or fight it--I can actually answer it. These are just thoughts that want my attention. They are red flags that just need to be investigated. When my kiddos were toddlers and they were saying, “I have to go potty” I didn’t ignore it, or fight against it. I said, “Oh thanks for letting me know.” Now I can do something about it. Let’s solve for that problem. But the warning signs annoy some of you. Your brain is saying “I have to go potty” and you’re like, not now brain. Or “No way brain, we can’t deal with that.” Or, if I put my headphones in I won’t have to deal with it.
You are avoiding fear. You are ignoring it. You are annoyed by it.
But when we say YES to it. We gladly welcome its warnings. We can look right at what it is saying to us and we can give it the attention it is wanting.
So how do I do that?When I created my list of fears I just sat with them. I was grateful for them. I didn’t freak out, or get overwhelmed. I didn’t resist them or try to change it. I just said, “Of course you’re here.” And I felt it. I felt the fear in my body. I kept thinking those thoughts and just breathed it in.
Fear is a part of the process. Embracing fear, and feeling fear, allows me to not have to react to it. If I react out of fear I stop. I don’t try and move forward. I believe these thoughts are true and I give up on my goal. I fail ahead of time because that is an easier emotion for me to feel. I might as well fail now, than try and deal with all of this and still fail. Fear wins. I throw in the towel. I quit showing up. I quit trying.
But when I feel fear and I know it is supposed to be there. I learn from it. I investigate the thoughts creating it. I know that if I believe those thoughts to be true then I will generate fear. But, if I can investigate those thoughts a little bit and play with them—they might change. And if they don’t change, it’s okay. I can allow them to be there. It’s like giving fear the passenger seat, but not letting it drive or hold the map. I won’t be taking any directions from fear, but it may want to come along for the adventure.
What about you, will you say YES to fear in 2021?
Join me,
Angie
