So being in quarantine has really solidified that you are interested in dating and sharing your love, and life, with someone. It is so interesting because I think in the silence and space to think, the most important things are surfacing.
So now what?
I am going to give you 3 things you need to do to get closer to marriage. And then for the next 3 weeks I will break those down more.
Here we go!
Meeting as many guys as you can is a great way to get started.
For some of you this makes you want to stop in your tracks right now. You are already overwhelmed with the idea of meeting guys on purpose to see if they are a good match, or not. Let alone the thoughts that as a ‘Christian woman’ is this even okay? Can you meet guys with the intent that you want to see if you mesh or not? Listen, wanting to get married is not a sin, or something to be embarrassed about. There can be a lot of emotions around even mentioning that you have a desire to be married. I struggled a lot with this because; to be honest, I didn’t know if I was “worthy” of marriage…almost like it was something that you had to earn. Don’t be like me.
Wanting to be married is a desire that God has placed on your heart and I believe we are almost told you can do nothing about it. You must sit back and wait for it to come to you. You can’t go out and try to make it happen. Wrong… the only way it is likely to happen is if you open up to meeting guys. If you really wanted to get married in the next few years your chances of finding someone that you really want to give your love to is going to be much higher if you meet and get to know 30 guys—than if you got to know 1. This does not mean you need to become a serial dater by any means. This just means that you can open yourself up to this process and engage with, and meet some different types of guys. If I had a goal of finding 4 clients—yes I could meet 4 people and turn them into clients because of our interactions—but if I open myself up to meeting 40 people then more than likely I will meet some really great people, and know that there are amazing women to do this work with.
There are amazing guys out there that God has created. The truth is, they are human. They too are probably wanting to find someone that will love them for who they are. They too may not even know where to begin. They too are probably nervous and maybe believe that they aren’t good enough for marriage, or for a beautiful women like you. Listen, they have their own thoughts that are creating their current lack of dates. But, if you ‘enter some new beliefs’ you can change your results. You are going to start believing that marriage, or at least dating, might be something for you. Let me help you understand that marriage is just you finding someone to give your love to. That is it. You are looking for someone that is easy for you to choose to love, and they find it easy to choose to love you too.
Take it from a married women. Some days are easier than others to choose ‘love’, but in all reality it is a choice my husband and I make everyday. I choose to give my love. And girl, it is so fun when that is the foundation of our relationship. His job is to show up in our relationship and let me love him. It is my job to do the same. I don’t put expectations on him to make me happy, make me feel safe, make me feel anything. That is my job. I wish I would have known that when we were dating.
The next step is to own that you do want to get married and let people know that.
I was so worried about what others said about my singleness especially as I got older and older. I know they were curious as to how I was feeling about it and if I am honest I thought it was weak to want a man. I wanted to portray that I was independent and fine and good being single. When deep down inside I really wanted to be married, have kids, have my own family. So I felt like a fraud in those conversations because owning that I really wanted to be married felt scary. So sharing with people not in a self-pity way but in an excited to see what God does with this way. The day I decided I wanted to become a life coach was super scary/half exciting. I was owning a desire and telling others about it. But people had their own thoughts about it. The problem is I wanted to believe that their thoughts were better or more valid then my own thoughts. So before you tell anyone about your desire to be married and start the whole process you will want to clean up your thinking about it and know how you really feel. Starting to share your ideas with others when you are not 100% solid on your beliefs about this will make for a bumpy start. If you aren’t sure how you feel, if you are being too forward, if this goes against what the Bible says about dating, then anything someone tells you might blow you down. So being open to sharing with others your dream is just one step closer to making it happen. Be prepared for opposition. Be ready to hear questions and doubts. Bring your questions and doubts up to yourself before you encounter others. And when those doubts or fears surface just address them, don’t run from them. They are just insights into how your brain is thinking about this new idea you have. (Remember the lower brain doesn’t like anything new so will throw out all the red flags, that is it’s job)
The last step is to be open to the whole process.
This process is going to allow you to feel a lot of emotions. You will become someone during this. You will meet and get to know people. There will be disappointment, fear of rejection, and everything in between. Opening yourself up to find someone that you could spend the rest of your life with is an amazing thing, but it will allow you to do some of your greatest work. You have a lot of things that you believe that have kept you from dating; or online dating, or even telling people your truest desires. That is okay, because that has worked for you until now. Now you want something different. You want to be married and that will require you to believe different things than you have believed before. This experience will allow you to deal with your beliefs about yourself, your beliefs about other humans; especially guys, and even your beliefs about God. This whole process is an amazing classroom for you. Watching people step into this knowing the tools I teach is amazing because they know that this person doesn’t solve their life’s problems. They know that this person doesn’t make them feel anything. They know that who they choose to be, and how they interact with the people they meet, is just another opportunity to learn and develop themselves to be more like Christ—and to grow in understanding and love in so many ways.
If you want to get started, follow along for the next couple weeks as I break these concepts down even more. And, if this is one of your truest desires and you don’t want to wait, feel free to email me any questions you have. I love helping people walk through this.
