When I was single I hated being bored, I actually was afraid of it. So I did what is very culturally acceptable and I just stayed busy. Because if I was busy then I would never be bored, and therefore would never have to be with just me. Being alone with me was well, complicated.
Being bored can allow you to either escape being in your mind or allow you to access your mind.
I was great at escaping. I didn’t have a good relationship with myself. I didn’t have very good thoughts about myself, or my life. I didn’t know that at the time. I just thought I didn’t like being lonely. But really I didn’t have a good relationship with myself and I was avoiding me. It’s like that relationship that just didn’t work out and whenever you see them you kind of turn and go the other way. That is what I was doing to myself, avoidance. So when I was bored it was like I could see that friend turning down the corner and my immediate response is go the other way. Get out. And that is what I did to myself. I ran away and latched onto others, my schedule, my to-do list, volunteering, you name it I was doing it. But being bored, I was not.
Now I see boredom totally differently. I see being bored as an opportunity to get to reconnect with myself. I can actually use it to go inside and access what is really going on internally. See a lot of the reason I didn’t go into my mind was there was a lot of negative there. I had some thoughts that were painful and I didn’t know how to clean them up, but now I know I don’t have to clean them up at all. I can use the time that I do sit with myself and I can just become aware. It’s like when you have been noticing that something is a little off with a friend and then they tell you something and it immediately clicks, oh, that’s what is going on. Awareness. You can do that for you. You can have aha moment about yourself. Taking time to really see yourself will create that awareness. But you might have to be bored to get there.
Once you have awareness about what is really going on with you, you might actually want to change some things about you or your life and that is great. It is when we are bored that our mind really reveals itself to us. And whatever it reveals you can handle. When we actually see what is revealed then you can decide if you like it or not. Then you can choose to do something about it. But when you see what is revealed and you don’t like it and you choose to escape, it will never get better. You will stay in the same place and putting effort into avoiding the true you. But if you can stay in that place and see it all and not be afraid of any of it and just embrace it, then you have the power to do something about it.
When you access you and connect with you when you are bored, you can begin to see what you are capable of, what you most want in your life, and what it would take to get there. But when you don’t access you and you escape, you just get better at the escape activity, whatever that is. So you might get better at overeating, overspending, watching porn, masturbating, drinking, gaming, etc.
So for some of you that are lonely and the way you deal with that is binge-watching Netflix to escape, you are missing that opportunity to spend really digging into what you most want in a mate and what you could be doing right now to meet guys. You get so good at the escape tactic that it keeps you from accessing your brain to be super creative about getting what you most want in life.
But being bored and lonely and not escaping would require you to feel and be okay with feeling those feelings. You don’t have to escape something if you are okay with it. You would get to start dreaming and believing you could reach those dreams. You would start dreaming with commitment and telling yourself that you not only can dream but you can steward those dreams and make them happen.
In reality Netflix would be much easier. Staying in that place where you allowed for all the negative emotions and all your dreams seems almost impossible. You kind of don’t believe you can do that, so just Netflix it up my friends, because that is more realistic, right.
But it doesn’t have to be. I know exactly what it is like to feel all the negative and hold out and believe that my dreams are worth fighting for, worth chasing, worth doing all the thought work to create them coming true. Because I hate to break it to you, but that is your job. It is not your parents job to make your dreams come true. It is not your spouses job to do that when you get married. It is not someone else’s battle worth fighting for your dreams to come true. It’s yours.
But boredom is the place we can access what is really going on with us internally. If you keep not checking in and seeing what is going on, your other option is life by default. Just keep doing the same because this works. But does it. When you are alone and just with you does it work?
I want you to start using boredom as a super power. Whenever you feel bored I want you to think about how you can use it for you to access and tap into you. I want you to start getting super comfortable with just you and your thoughts. I want you to stop avoiding them and start getting friendly with them. I want you to not be surprised at what amazing ideas and thoughts you have. I want you to allow yourself to bring up anything and don’t shoot it down. I want so much awareness for you that you experience connection with yourself like never before. I want you to fully understand yourself and tap into your own creativity that comes from your thinking.
I started practicing this when I would go on walks by myself. In the beginning there was this tension of I want someone to entertain me, teach me or something to consume. So, I would purposefully not have a podcast or music or anything to consume and I would just access me. When I started doing this I honestly couldn’t believe how much was there. I was filled with ideas and dreams and things that I wanted to make happen. Now I can allow my thoughts to be there and I will just delight in those thoughts and what is going on in my brain. I now have incredible awareness and have started asking myself some really powerful questions and my brain answers with some amazing wisdom. This is when I can really hear from God or lean into what the Holy Spirit might be prompting in me. I only get there after I have allowed for the tension and/or awkwardness of the silence, and see my many thoughts and then there is me.
It’s funny that on the other side of boredom is an immense amount of wisdom. On the other side of boredom could be all the answers to finding and meeting the man you will marry. On the other side of boredom is you. And you my friend are pretty freaking smart. You have a ton of amazing ideas. Your thoughts are so fun. So stop avoiding you. Stop giving you to everyone you know and start giving yourself to you.
So many of you have been avoiding all the creativity, ideas, and brilliant solutions, by escaping into something known and comfortable to your brain. That can all change now. That comfort is costing you. It doesn’t have to anymore. Boredom could be something you seek out. You could plan to be bored this weekend. Because now you know boredom could be so good for you.
Being bored too,
Angie
