I have been getting some good questions about dating and wanted to address some of them here.
What should I be looking for when dating or getting to know guys?
You are looking for someone that you are compatible with. A person that it is easy for you to love.
Marriage is committing to unconditionally loving someone. It is signing up to look past the things in his life that you may think makes it harder for you to love. And if you are a believer you are saying, I will do this for this guy as long as we both shall live...
So the purpose of dating is to explore what is out there. See the types of guys that you like being with and like being with you.
You want to put yourself around someone to see if he is someone you want to commit to giving your love to. And to do that you want to spend time with the person and see how you feel when you’re around them. Often times you want to contribute that you feel good, excited, happy, or pretty because of the guy. But really the only reason you feel good, excited, happy or pretty is because of the way you’re thinking when you’re with him.
You can take credit for why you feel that way.
But being aware of what you’re thinking when you’re around a guy is really helpful. For some reason you think those thoughts easier when you are around him.
What is dating not for?
1. You are not looking for proof that you are lovable, worthy of love, pretty or enough.
That my friend, has already been decided by God who created you. We don’t need to date to figure that out. Remove that from the equation. Spend your time figuring out if this guy wants to pour his love onto you and you onto him. Don’t complicate it by bringing your worth into it. He either wants to love you, or he doesn’t want to love you. Don’t make it mean anything other than you are not his cup of tea.
2. You are not looking for the perfect person.
There are no perfect people. There is not one guy out there that you are looking for. There are humans that are 50-50. You’re trying to decide if you like the 50-50 that this human presents. Maybe guy one loves video games is not highly motivated and doesn’t dress the nicest, but is incredibly loving, treats you very well, and is a great chef... compared to guy 2 who doesn’t manage money the best, has an interesting family, and burps more than you would like, but is very servant hearted, a great listener and has killer style.
Both are equally 100% lovable, the question is how easy is it for you to love them...that is where you get to decide.
3. You are not looking for someone that only makes you feel positive emotions.
A lot of times if women experience negative emotions when they’re dating someone and they think that is wrong or that is a sign that it’s not going to work out. Being able to have experiences in the relationship where you have negative emotions is actually really good. All of life is filled with 50% negative emotions and 50% positive emotions. If you don’t experience the negative ones while you are dating, you may be ignoring some things or not true to yourself. Don’t be afraid to have the human experience while you are dating. Being able to experience a full range of emotions while the two of you are together sets you up to deal with that in the future.
What should I focus my attention on while I am dating?
Often times dating is a great opportunity for you to get to know yourself more. You can find out what you truly want. It’s a unique experience for you to see what’s really going on with you when you’re with a guy. It can be a great opportunity to find out how you want to feel when you are in a relationship with someone. Pay a lot of attention to what you are making his actions or reactions to you mean. This can be a great opportunity to see where you can grow in order to come to a relationship ready to give instead of ready to take.
What should I be looking for?
Am I just looking for someone that will make me happy? I actually think the opposite is true. I think you’re looking for someone that you can be YOU around no matter how you’re feeling. Being true to you and authentic and real is so important. If you feel like you are constantly trying to change for someone else or having to deny who you really are, then you probably don’t want to stay in a relationship like that.
Are there any signs that this is the guy for me?
Well if he continues to stay present and in the relationship then that is a good sign. If he is checking out or you feel like you are doing all of the heavy lifting of the relationship then you may know that he doesn’t really want to give his love to you.
A relationship is so fun when you don’t expect them to make you feel anything. You just want them to be present to receive the love you give them.
Kind of like the example Christ shows for us. He just wants us to be present and receive His love. And that is a fun relationship to be a part of.
How should I feel while dating?
If you can be curious and open during the whole dating experience, you can bring about a ton of growth.
When you are curious you tend to want to learn and find out things. While dating someone you can learn a ton about him, about you, about God, about life. There is so much to learn from the whole process if you stay open to it no matter what the end brings.
When you are open to the whole process you position yourself to not run away or hide from the hard. You keep yourself available to whatever comes up. When things feel off you investigate instead of closing off more. You keep fighting off the thoughts to get back in the cave where life is easier (and alone). When you stay open to it you stay more open to yourself and to a fuller experience of who you really want to be in relationship with others.
I don’t want to get my heart broken, what should I do?
If you expect it to be hard, confusing at times, vulnerable, eye-opening, disappointing and maybe end in failure you don’t lose it when that comes up.
It is when we paint this picture that it is supposed to be easy, laid out, so smooth, no bumps, and basically a Hallmark movie we set ourselves up for major heartache if it fails.
I hope these are helpful for you to think about in a new way.
I love answering questions about this and if you have any, just shoot me a quick email and I can answer it for you.
Have a great week,
Angie
