I had self-love all wrong. I thought it was taking time for me. It was going and getting ice cream because I loved myself so much. It was taking the time to get a pedicure and read a magazine and veg out. It was planning to spend an hour in Target walking aimlessly.
So I would go, go, go, and then hit this place of major burnout. I would then think, "I know what the problem is, I am not loving myself well." Then I would do one of the above and shockingly feel good in the moment but never really take care of the underlying problem.
Here is what I didn't know before. There is no amount of ice cream, pedicures, and dollar spot Target shopping that will make me feel loved. Those were just feel goods. Those helped me get that hit of good but not a whole lot more. I would go back to the grind and then after a few weeks, do it all again. Loving myself was not external.
That is an inside job. A job that I had neglected and really didn't know how to do well. I think among Christians self-love looks bad. It is highly connected to conceit, selfishness, and even vanity. I think most Christians stay away from it out of fear of becoming too proud, and what other people would think of them if they really loved themselves well. We haven't really learned how to do it or teach others around us. So I am on a mission to change that. I want each and every one of you to learn what self-love really is and how to implement it into your everyday life.
Let's start with the definition of self-love.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, self-love is an appreciation of one's own worth or value, and proper regard and attention to one's own well-being.
My biggest shift came when I learned how to appreciate my worth and value. It started when I really understood that worth and value comes from God. I actively appreciate who God made me when I celebrate and love the person He created. There is NO ONE like me. He created me so uniquely and He wants me here on this Earth. He delights in me. He looks upon me (His creation) and He says, "It is good." But for some reason I could only focus on the bad parts of me. I couldn't delight in the me He created, I could only pick at and criticize His creation. I kind of thought that was my job. I got into this habit of believing I would be easier to love when.... I lost the weight, I did things perfectly, I had someone else that loved me. But truly grasping that God loves me for me.... just because He made me was monumental. There is nothing I could do that would make it easier for Him to love me. He wasn't waiting to love me once I got better. He was enjoying me right now as is. I finally got it and started thinking, "Man it would be so fun to enjoy me for me... and not constantly be waiting for that."
So I gave in and fully started seeing the good in me that I had so quickly overlooked to focus on the bad. I started appreciating the ways God made me. I owned my personality, and the things that make me me. I started liking that I could carry on a conversation with a complete stranger and enjoy it. I love my discipline and hard work ethic. I appreciated my abilities to try new things and not fear failure. I started looking at my hair, body, skin tone, figure, and purposefully thinking amazing thoughts. I started believing I am amazing, flaws and all.
And here is what keeps me from conceit.
I know you are amazing too. And it is not because of what you do, it is solely because I know who created you. I know the same intricate ways that He delights in me and you, we can delight in each other. It doesn't have to be I am not and you are. It can be we both are. That is what keeps me humble. I am nothing more than anyone else. I am like everyone else in that I can choose to see myself the way God does or I can be my biggest critic and constantly striving for improving, or getting better.
Here is the thing, I love improving and getting better, but it is so much more fun when it is fueled by absolute love and appreciation for what is. I know that I love myself exactly the way I am and I can't love myself more when I finally improve.
I offer the same to you. Stop waiting. Enjoy yourself now and really take this self-love thing to the next level. Purposefully think about who you are… who God created you to be. How he wired and made you.
Because when you start by thinking amazing thoughts about you... the you God made, it is amazing what starts to happen. I love me. I don't need or expect others to love me. I KNOW God loves me and now I love me and anyone else is just icing on the cake. But I have the cake... I am not looking around for it, or trying to recreate it by shopping, eating, or pampering me.
Now I am not against any of those I just want you to know why you are doing those and understand that doing those things don't make you feel loved. Doing those things might just make you feel better temporarily, in the moment.
I want to teach you how to love you for the long haul. From now until you go home. I want you to deeply love you the way God already, and has been doing, since you were born. Then, once you love you, you will start to take care of yourself even more. That is the other part of the definition. The proper regard and attention to one's own well-being. You will begin actively loving yourself by paying attention to yourself more and knowing what you need. Then you won't expect others to do that for you, but you will take the necessary steps to rest, eat healthy, exercise, breathe deep, and take care of you. You will focus on your mental health and start understanding your feelings. You will start putting boundaries into place to really protect your longevity. You will have less burn out. Less blow ups, and less break-downs.
This is available to you and if you need any help with this, look no further. This is what I do.
I help women find what is blocking them from truly loving themselves. Schedule a 30 minute call to discuss if working with me is your next step.
Here’s to self-love, let’s do it,
Angie
