Guest Author: Allison Marie founder of All Things Allison Marie
In just two short months, I will be walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life. I am so excited to begin this new chapter of my life and see all that God has in store for us.
However, there was a time when I wondered if I ever would get married. It seemed too good to be true, too far out of reach. I longed to fall in love with my best friend and get married, so the desire wasn’t not there. I just didn’t know how it was going to happen. However, instead of just waiting around and wondering how everything would play out, I decided to take action and become the woman the man I was praying for was praying for. Why would the godly guy that I wanted to marry decided to date me if I wasn’t also a godly woman? I also took steps to be intentional in my own life and become who God wanted me to be, whether I was to be a wife or not.
So today, I wanted to share with you five things that I did as a single girl while I waited for my future husband. Just a little hint, thing #3 is how I met my future husband 😉
1.Reframed My Mindset on Marriage
Honestly, we are not promised marriage. Should we live defeated because of this truth? Definitely not! But we are not entitled to a ring on our finger or a new last name. Once I realized this, the next question I asked was this: what is my purpose in this world? Why am I alive? What is it that God wants me to be or accomplish?
I found my answer to this question in Matthew 6:33: “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” I encourage you to read all of Matthew 6 to read what “all these things” are.
So what is our purpose in life? To seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. That is what I should be doing FIRST, before anything else; even before looking for a husband.
As we seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, God will lead us all in different directions. The Holy Spirit is given to us as a Helper to lead us and guide us and show us the way in which we should go. We will be able to hear the Holy Spirit clearer when we are seeking God’s Kingdom and righteousness.
And trust me, being in the center of God’s will is so much more fulfilling than any earthly relationship, no matter how sweet or romantic.
2. Chased God’s Will for My Life
Piggybacking off of the previous point, I decided to chase God’s will for my life and not wait on any guy to do what He had called me to. For me, that looked like going to college and getting a degree. My dream was to be a stay-at-home mom and homemaker, but what if I never got married? I was not going to sit around and do nothing while waiting to get married and have children. As I sought first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, that is where God led me.
For you, maybe that looks like going on a mission’s trip, starting that business, traveling, jumping out of a plane to skydive, or hosting a Bible study. I don’t know what that looks like for you, and I also know that it may not be easy. But remember, living in and chasing God’s will is the most fulfilling thing.
3. Looked for Ways to Serve
This may seem a little redundant given #1 and #2, but I promise it’s not. In fact, this is how I met my future husband!
Please don’t forget in the pursuit of seeking God’s will for your life that it is so important to serve others. It is at the core of Christianity and how we will share the Gospel and make disciples. It also can be such a blessing to us.
In my desire to serve others (which is serving Jesus according to Matthew 25:40), I said “yes” to helping out with a youth group at my second cousin’s church. Honestly, I was busy in that season. I was working and in school, but something about my life felt kinda selfish, like everything was about me. It wasn’t truly, but I wasn’t serving as much as I wanted to. So I said that I would. After all, it was only one night per week and I would hopefully help make a difference in these young people’s lives.
The first night that I helped out, I met Jason, my now fiancé. He was a youth leader there as well, and we hit it off that first night. Both of us were being obedient to God’s calling on our lives and our desire to serve, and we were immensely blessed. Now we get to serve Jesus together forever.
Am I saying that you’ll meet your future husband if you start serving? Not necessarily. But you may meet new people, including single men 😉 But also great, godly friends that you can do life with!
4. Wrote out Qualities I Desired in my Future Husband
I knew myself enough to know that if I didn’t determine the qualities that I was looking for in a guy before I met him, I could run the risk of falling in love before determining if he was a good guy for me. So I decided to write out the qualities that I wanted in my future husband. I wasn’t super specific when it came to appearance or personality. What I primarily focused on was character qualities that the Bible said was important. Non-negotiables. Once I met the guy, I could decide whether or not our personalities meshed well.
Here is a link to a blog post with a few qualities to get you started: http://allthingsallisonmarie.com/8-qualities-look-future-husband/. I highly recommend you make your own list, though!
5. Wrote Letters to and Prayed for My Future Husband
Lastly, I wanted a tangible way to stay focused on my future husband, if, in fact, there was one out there for me. During my first year of college, I talked to many different guys. I didn’t know which one, if any of them, I would marry. Because of this, I wanted to stay pure and focused, and use dating (even though Jason was actually my first boyfriend, I only talked to the other guys) as a means to determine if marriage was for us. In addition to going over my list of qualities, I wrote letters to my future husband. It reminded me that I was only going to marry one man, and it kept me focused on finding that one man. I would write about my day, the season that I was in (good or bad), and even how I felt when relationships would end. I only wrote in this journal about once a month, but now that I am engaged, it will be the sweetest gift to give to my husband on our honeymoon.
Just a little sidenote: I don’t recommend you ever write to a specific guy in this journal. Keep it focused on your future husband, even if you are sure you’ll marry him!
I didn’t just write letters to my future husband, though; I also prayed for him. It helped me to stay focused on the one man I would potentially marry, and it also served Jason, even though I didn’t even know him yet. It is so cool to talk to Jason now and see how God used those prayers.
Here is a blog post with prayer prompts for your future husband: http://allthingsallisonmarie.com/8-qualities-look-future-husband/.
I hope that this post encouraged you and gave you practical action steps for your season of singleness! I have tons of posts on singleness on my blog, most of them written when I was single, and I also have some great free resources (including a printable for praying for your future husband!) for you when you subscribe to my newsletter. You can do that here: http://eepurl.com/dhFTkH.
With all my love,
Allison
