When I ask single women what is the hardest thing about being single? 9 out of 10 times it is I am lonely.
Did you know that being single and lonely do not have to go hand in hand?
As I looked up the definition of lonely in the Merriam-Webster dictionary I found it very interesting. The definition of alone is: not being in the company of others.
Synonyms include: alone, lone, lonesome, single, solitary, solo, unaccompanied.
Words related to lonely include: unattended, unchaperoned, friendless, disassociated, insulated, isolated, secluded, withdrawn, quarantined, segregated, separated, unconnected, unlinked, detached, abandoned, deserted, forgotten, neglected.
The opposite of lonely is attended, chaperoned, escorted, communicating, attached, connected, linked, and I love this one, accompanied.
Now I would love to tell you the way I want all single women to feel is accompanied. Christian woman, as a believer in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, He is accompanying you always. You are NEVER alone. That is the truth but you have a hard time believing that and living like it.
But some of you say, well Angie why do I feel so alone? I want to help you understand that is just the way you are thinking about it. The default programming is to look at it through the negative lens. But we can change that.
Yes, you are physically alone. But if you can think that God is with you right now, then you will feel with someone. But that doesn’t come automatically and will take training.
The point of this blog is to help you see that loneliness doesn’t have to be how you feel. Yes, it could be, but let me offer you some new improved thoughts so you could feel differently about the circumstance.
Your brain by default is going to see that you are alone and it will be easier for you to think you are secluded, deserted, forgotten, and even detached. That is just the programming that is easiest for your brain and let’s be honest you have a lot of proof that people forget about you, desert you, detach from you and that you are secluded.
Side note quarantined, like actually being quarantined which I never thought I would experience is only heightening these other feelings for you. Isn’t it funny we can be quarantined and quickly feel abandoned, deserted, or neglected? Just notice that this is easy for your brain to believe and find evidence for. But let’s not take the easy route my friends. Let’s start looking at all of this the way we want to look at it.
Let’s start deciding on purpose that yes, we may be alone, like physically alone, but we don’t have to go to all of those feelings if we don’t want to. And I don’t know about you but I don’t like feeling all of those that were mentioned with the definition. So, here is how we do that.
We are physically alone but we start thinking thoughts that make us feel: attended, chaperoned, escorted, communicating, attached, connected, linked, and accompanied.
Now feeling this way with God being the one accompanying, attending you, chaperoning you, escorting you, communicating with you, attached to you, connected to you and linked to you is the ultimate place that we want to be.
But, the best place to start is by thinking this about you.
If you can start believing and thinking I am attending to me, chaperoning me, escorting me, communicating with me, attached to me, connected, linked, and accompanying me, you will feel totally different, and in turn act totally different.
When I think I know what I need and take care of it I feel attended to. When I think I get to be with me for this event I feel chaperoned by me. When I think I am taking myself on a date, I feel like I am escorting me. When I know exactly what I am thinking and I am communicating with me, it makes me feel seen, known, and connected with myself. Feeling connected with me helps me feel attached to me, linked to me and accompanied by me in all that I am doing. I am more present with myself and I get to know myself more and appreciate who God made me to be even more. I am with me and I enjoy being with me. Yes, I am alone but I don’t feel lonely.
I didn’t understand or know the importance of that as a single woman. I didn’t know that by default I was thinking all of the negative things about being alone and I didn’t know I could be alone and think about it totally different.
Now that I know I can look at being with me however I want, it has totally changed my relationship with me and then my relationship with God.
As I have been able to practice this with myself my brain has evidence that I can do that and then it is easier to then create those same new beliefs with God.
I am believing I am with me and then it is easier to believe God is with me.
Before I couldn’t think either thought I just thought… I am alone, therefore I am lonely.
You too can believe new thoughts to make you feel with you even in the midst of being alone.
Here’s to choosing powerful, helpful thoughts,
Angie
P.S. if you struggle with feeling lonely, I am pumped to tell you I am going to do a FREE webinar all about Loneliness and the Single Women (details coming soon)
