The Holidays, AKA the greatest time of the year, can make you feel more alone, frustrated, missing out, sad, and/or discontent. Over the weeks of Thanksgiving and leading up to Christmas I am going to touch on some key thoughts that tend to create some suffering for single women, during the Holidays.
So let’s dive in. When you think about the Holidays you may have certain expectations or the way you think things should go. You may think that it is a magical time of year but in reality when you think about what it has turned into; it is a time of year filled with celebrations, spending money, and family getting together. Each one of those can bring up it’s own stuff for you. Add into it more on your schedule, more decisions to be made, more traveling, etc.
We truly want the Holidays to be magical but it still will have 50% of it that is hard, FOR EVERYONE! Let that sink in. Me, the married women with kiddos, will have probably the same amount of hard as you. It will just look different than yours. When I was single I felt all of those things above, but now I feel different negative emotions.
For any season of life that you are in, there will be hard stuff and negative emotions to be felt. Whether you are single, married, widowed, divorced, teenager, or toddler there will be hard for this season. This should bring you an understanding of this: we can’t run from the hard. Your brain will offer you that marriage could solve the hard, but don’t buy that. It will always be around, but we can learn new ways and strategies to understand it and handle it, no matter what season of our life we are in.
For single women, the consensus seems to be that Holidays can remind you that you are alone, don’t belong to your own person or family unit yet, and kind of don’t fit anywhere (kids table or adult table). While you see everyone enjoying him or herself, or at least you think they are, you are over here feeling sad that once again you feel less.
I want to offer you something to help ease the pain. I want to give you the opportunity to own your pain. Don’t blame the Holidays; know you are feeling a certain way because of the way you are choosing to think about it.
Let me give you an example. Instead of, the Holidays make me feel alone; the way I am thinking about the Holidays is making me feel _________. Just this little switch in thoughts can help you own that thought.
Listen, the Holidays CANNOT make you feel anything. They are not that powerful, but when we blame them for the way we feel we do not own our part in it. It is easy to slip into victim mentality. You actually can think the Holidays are out to get you. So instead of blaming away all your feelings, let’s just own them.
Start with acknowledging how you feel. I feel _____________. Instead of just blaming them on something, stop, pause and figure out what thought is making you feel that way.
Here’s how I practice this.
Yesterday we went through some of my boxes in the garage filled with memorabilia, craft stuff, and maybe some things I never needed to keep. I kept feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed and basically awful. I wanted to say, “Cleaning out the garage makes me feel awful!” I may have even said that a few times, don’t judge. But I stopped in the midst of all that and said, “The reason I feel awful is because of the way I am thinking about this.”
I stopped and paused and acknowledged these things.
I feel awful because of this thought; this is so hard and takes so much thinking.
I feel frustrated because of this thought; I should have done this sooner.
I feel overwhelmed because of this thought; there is SO much stuff.
I feel disappointed because of this thought; we have spent so much money to store this stuff and for nothing.
One thing that is very important to know is that all of these thoughts are OPTIONAL. I don’t have to feel those feelings while I am cleaning out the garage. I am choosing to feel that way, and I can stop if I own that my thinking is creating this for me. Then I get to decide if I want to keep feeling that way or if I want to change it. If I don’t own that I am the one creating these feelings then I won’t be able to change the way I think. I can get stuck thinking I HAVE to feel this way. And then that creates another layer of pain because I feel at the mercy of whatever I am blaming.
So, let’s start the Holidays off on a different foot this year. I want you to spend some time thinking about all that you blame on the Holidays and then own it. Write out what you feel and what thought actually creates that for you.
This exercise can be the GAME CHANGER for you this year. Take some time now, before the hustle and bustle of the season to think on purpose.
Dropping that blame too,
Angie
