Why do I have such a hard time letting him go?

It is like a drug that I like to go back to. I find myself looking at his life on social media and creating so many issues for me.

I can’t stop thinking about him and all the ways it should have been different.

How come he is moving on with life, and I can’t seem to move forward?

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Break-ups are painful. Hopes of a life together are mourned and grieved. You go through a bit of an identity crisis. You forget that you are lovable and begin thinking, this is the only man that was going to love me. You have a hard time really understanding how it ended, or why it all happened. You can begin to regret things you did or said. You question yourself, and all of that creates a lot of negative emotion. You can struggle to do the things that you most need to do because you are stuck in shame, guilt, and disappointment. You have lost that hope and excitement you once had. 

And your brain loops.

You can’t get out of this way of thinking.

So I want to offer you some new thoughts that might help you.

This relationship was always going to end. You didn’t know that, but it was. You went into it with hope and excitement, feeling happy and eager to try this out. You went all in, believing this would work out. And when it didn’t you are left with the opposite. Sadness, disappointment, fear, and slightly reserved. Instead of being all in, you struggle to be all out. Your brain kind of wants to hold onto what you had, or maybe that it could still work out. And that feels like torture. Because while it is fun in the moment, to think about him and the what if’s, it is painful. You create a huge part of you that you feel like you can’t let go and move on from. I like to call this a drama distraction.

Your brain would rather stay in this place filled with drama and the pain of that, then move to letting him go and feeling that pain.

You would rather avoid the pain of truly letting go and it being over. The sadness that comes with that seems unbearable to you. But the torture you are putting yourself through is just as awful. 

So I want to let you know that you can consciously choose to be done. To think about the relationship and that person in a way that is freeing.

Some of those kind of thoughts are:

That relationship is complete.

It was such a great experience for me.

I can think about the past however I want to.

I am so glad that I showed up in that relationship the way I did.

I am proud of who I want to be now and truly let him go.

I can handle the pain of this.

God has so much in store for my future.

He is 100% lovable just the way he is.  I can love him and release him too.

I can think thoughts that make me feel love towards him even when the relationship is over. 

I feel sad when I wish it was different, so I want to become someone who wants it the way it is.

This ending is for my good.

This ending is for God’s glory.

I wouldn’t have chosen this, but I can accept it.

I am willing to feel the pain of the loss, rather than feel the pain of trying to make it work out now.

The most loving thing I can do for me is to take care of myself and let him take care of him.

Practice believing those thoughts today!

Believing you didn’t do anything wrong is available to you. Knowing that you couldn’t have stopped this ending this way is so key. It was going to end and it is okay. You can choose to be okay. You can choose to use this for you and your future. 

You don’t have to stay stuck here. You don’t have to believe that this was your only shot. You can start to become someone who believes this was a great opportunity for growth. 

Letting him go is doing the work of feeling your feelings whenever you think about him. You see his name and you stay present with whatever thoughts come up for you. Someone asks about him and you are able to breathe and not panic. You can do all of this part of it. The process of letting him go and choosing to take steps forward to your future, is the emotions you want to do and work through to get to the other side of this. The other side is where you know you are whole and free and not affected by this relationship.

Picture your future self and who you are becoming and practice being her. Don’t stay in the past. Don’t keep looping and spinning your wheels. This is possible for you. I know it may sound far off. But feeling all the feelings of loss and grief is important to do. Do not run from these emotions. Feel all of them.

Standing with you,

Angie