There are 9 weeks left in the year. For most single women this can be the hardest part of the year. Lots of opportunities to see how everyone else is married and living their best life. Many reminders of another year gone by still single. It starts with Halloween pictures of everyone dressed up with their husband and kiddos, and then we have Thanksgiving gatherings, pictures of festivities and then comes all the Christmas cards. And don’t forget all of the engagements that will happen in the next 9 weeks.
There will be many opportunities for you to compare yourself and see all you are lacking. There will also be lots of of opportunities to overwork, get stressed out, deal with tough people, and have lots of negative emotions. There will be just as many opportunities to buffer away those negative emotions with overeating, overspending, over Hallmarking, etc.
But that doesn’t have to be you. What if you decided right now as we head into the last weeks of the year that this will be different. You will no longer let the comparison game and the buffering happen. You get to decide who you want to be for the next 60 days, and you will be that.
And I would love nothing more than for all the single women in my audience to show up and affect this Holiday season, then for it to effect them. You have so much power when you consciously choose who you want to be and how you want it to go. Do you want nights spent crying because you think you just aren’t good enough, or do you want nights spent creating fun events for the important people in your life?
Here are 3 things you can do to make the most of the end of the year.
1. Pick one area to take action on in the month of November.
Decide one small area that you would like to see change happen in the next 30 days. Only pick one. You might decide to do 50 pushups each day for 30 days, or read your bible for 5 minutes every day. Or drink 54 ounces of water each day. Whatever it is you decide to do, make it something small. This practice of deciding something ahead of time and sticking to it is going to be so beneficial for your relationship with yourself. You can show yourself what you are capable of doing. You can practice following through on your word to yourself.
Why is this important?
Because so often you want things to be different in your life. You dream of what it will be like once it is different. But the work to get you from here to there is too big for your brain. There is too much and too many areas that you wish were different. So, you spiral in overwhelm and take no real action. You then start believing you never can change and you might as well get comfortable here, it wasn’t meant to be, you’ll never have the life you most dream of having. This type of thinking leads to a comfortable life, instead of the life you most want. You start living by default instead of a life filled with dreaming and creating.
But what if I mess up and don’t do one of the days?
It is actually great if that happens. Because this is a great time for you to practice who you want to be when you don’t do what you say you are going to do. If you want to pick right back up where you left off, you would need to not make it a big deal. You would give yourself grace, think amazingly loving thoughts about who God has made you to be and you would not make it mean you can’t do things, you are no good, and you should just give up. (All things you will want to do, but you are going to practice not showing up like that anymore) This exercise is to build a better relationship with yourself and see just where you do want to make changes and why. You can learn so much about you and where your brain is from this process. Take November to put this into practice. Learn a little bit about how you can create small changes in your life and start showing up for yourself. If this goes well, just think of the small changes you can create each month.
2. Take care of yourself.
I’m talking look at the reality of what your body needs. Take stock of how much sleep you need and get that. Figure out what food fuels your body and start eating that. If your body doesn’t process flour, or sugar well try and remove some of that from what you eat. Learn how much movement your body needs and work to create that. Stop putting you on the back burner, all in the name of your job, your students, or your friends and family. You want to end this year strong and not just coast. We are not trying to survive and make it to December 31st so we can say we made it. You don’t have to gain 10 lbs, spend way over budget, and wake up with a hangover just because. You can figure out what you need physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And you can make a plan and schedule it out so you get that taken care of. There is no one else doing this for you, not your mom, best friend, roommate, or even boyfriend. This is on you. The sooner you learn to do this the better. Stop blaming work, the ministries you are serving in, school, or life for why you can’t take care of you.
Why is this important?
Because even when you are married this is your responsibility. My husband is not responsible for me taking care of my physical needs. He doesn’t oversee what I eat, or how much I sleep, or if I am moving my body enough, or even emotionally well. This is on you. But so many of you are not learning how to do this. You keep punting the most basic self-care needs and it will create burnout. Also, think about it. We tend to neglect things we don’t like. So some of you neglect yourself because you think you should be better than you are. Newsflash: if you don’t take care of plants, they die. If you don’t take care of you, you die. I don’t mean you will keel over, but emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally you bleed out. You know what I am talking about. You have that slow death and you think you can’t change. It will always be this way, you should just deal with it. That is not creating a healthy vibrant flourishing life. It is keeping you in a stale, dying, lifeless, yet surviving life. One that you ultimately want to escape.
So, now is your chance to prove to yourself that you know how to take care of you. That it is important for you to be taken care of. That you love you enough to give you the time and attention you need to get yourself where you most want to be physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
But what if I mess up, and don’t do this?
Again, great. This is another opportunity if you don’t get the sleep, or eat the way you know you want to, or exercise to take a step back and not make a big deal about it. It is okay. One day of not taking care of yourself is not a reason to punt never taking care of yourself. Use the not doing of it, to reinforce why you do want to take care of you, and how you plan to get right back on track. This is a lifestyle shift, you take care of you. You are becoming someone who takes care of you. This is not a temporary thing, this is how it is going to be. So start becoming that version of you in the next 9 weeks.
3. Decide what you want this season of life to look like.
You are single during the Holidays and you get to create what that looks like. You don’t have to default to seasons past and hate it, and just try and get through the family gatherings, friends parties, etc. You get to consciously and way in advance decide what is important to you and what isn’t important to you. And then you can go to work creating what you want your life to look like for the next 2 months. There is nothing you HAVE to do. There are only opportunities and you get to decide if you will do them. There are also no rules. Like if you want to send Christmas cards, send them. If you don’t want to, don’t. You don’t have to buy anyone any gifts, you don’t even have to go to Thanksgiving dinner. I know call me crazy, but you are your own person. Too often you are living out of I have to’s and not living from this is what I want to do. Stop the shoulding and start consciously deciding what you do and don’t want to do. If you wish your friends would all get together for a Friendsgiving, make it happen. If you want to go caroling but think you need to have a family to do that, create that too. Dream up your ideal Holiday season and then spend your effort and energy creating it.
Why is this important?
Because you might be one of those single women that say Holidays are the worst because you are single. I beg to differ. There are things that present themselves during the Holidays but don’t blame them for why you feel the way you do, or act the way you do. Do not let these last few weeks of the year be the hardest for you, just because you are single. Understanding that there is a 50/50 to the Holidays being single. There are lots of issues that present itself when you are married or have kids that you are not dealing with right now. But if you focus on all that you don’t have because you’re single, you waste energy on the drama, instead of spending energy where you most want it to be.
But what if I don’t do this?
Well, you are going to let things happen to you. You will start to resent what you are doing. You feel forced to participate in things that you don’t really want to do. You aren’t living authentically but from how you think other people want you to act. You slowly don’t like your life because you aren’t consciously choosing it or creating it. You will begin to just go through the motions, and wishing your life was different, you were different, etc. So take a step back and promise yourself you will not do anything out of obligation these next few months. That may mean you have some negative emotion and feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or others around you tell them you disappoint them. But you have to start living a conscious and deliberate life and it starts with making decisions about what you will do and won’t do. Use these next few weeks as an opportunity to live authentically and stop pretending.
Let’s treat this next 9 weeks as an experiment for you. You get to see what comes up as you try these things. Anything that does come up is great because it is all the thoughts, feelings, and things you try hard not to deal with. I want you to see them and deal with them, because then you can go over the hurdles that are popping up as obstacles to the life you most want, instead of letting them derail you from the life you most want.
Trying these 3 things will help you end this year strong and develop a better relationship with yourself.
Cheering you on,
Angie
