You might be having a hard time with some of this. You may have never thought like this before.
Everything that I am sharing may kind of rub you in a way that you haven’t been rubbed before. You may struggle with it. Or want to believe what I am sharing but something is holding you back. What is it?
Your old beliefs…
Your old belief system is ingrained really deep. Beliefs are thoughts you have thought on repeat over and over. You have some beliefs about yourself, about men, about the dating process and even about God that play out in the result that you have right now.
Most of the time the beliefs are so deep they are unconscious to you and seem normal or factual.
Your old beliefs may sound something like this:
Maybe I am supposed to be single.
I don’t know if God has marriage for me.
Dating is too hard and I just can’t do it.
I don’t have time for this.
I have dated guys and all they want is sex, this just won’t work.
I don’t know enough people to meet new guys.
All the guys I am around are too young, too old, or married.
There aren’t any good guys in my church.
I think I would have to move to find someone.
Maybe my town is too small and so I am not supposed to be married.
I don’t think this is my year, let’s just forget about it.
There are creepy guys online there is no way I would do that.
Oh, if people found out I was dating someone online…
You might have some of these beliefs and when not addressed or examined you actually believe they are true. I will have women express to me that they have so much proof of this. But proof or not if you believe it is true, than it will be. Unknowingly you create that result just because you have that thought.
Go back through that list and identify which ones you agree with. Notice that when you think like that you take no action towards the process. Your beliefs play out because you only see the negative of it all. And remember you have believed this over and over on repeat for many years. There is little chance your brain is looking for evidence at all in contrast to this belief. You are pretty happy just holding onto it and staying right where you are.
But there is one belief that I am seeing most of my clients believing and I want to help you stop believing it.
There is no way a guy could like me.
That thought is killing you in this area. You have decided in your mind that he couldn’t like you and you have a list of reasons why. Do you know why you have that list? It is because it is the list of reasons you use on yourself to not like you.
How can you believe someone could like you if you don’t even like you?
This has to stop. This one belief right here is keeping you stuck. It is sabotaging your dating life. It may be the one reason you don’t put yourself out there.
Because listen if you don’t like yourself for that list, you know he won’t like you for that list.
So what do you do about that list?
Cover it up.
Change it.
Lose the weight.
Put on the makeup.
Hide. Be quieter.
Work to be different.
You are doing all of that instead of entering into dating.
Dating is unknown, filled with doubt, confusing, hard, and time-consuming. It can be vulnerable and uncertain. And if you don’t like you and have an entire list of things that need to change before you can qualify for this arena than of course you would stay away from all of this.
You have disqualified yourself for this process ahead of time. I like to call that failure ahead of time. A dating relationship may fail, but to avoid that, let’s fail ahead of time.
He may not like me, and I don’t like me so let’s just avoid this whole thing.
You know what needs to change in all of this?
You liking you.
No one can ever like you enough for you to like you.
That is an inside job. The thoughts that you have about you creates your like or dislike for you. So in order to change those thoughts you have to get clear on them and then decide if they are serving you and creating a feeling of like or not.
I teach all about this in my individual coaching and group-coaching program.
This is the first and probably the most important step in moving to where you want to be in life. We have to clean up your relationship with yourself.
When a guy rejects you (chooses not to like you in this way) your brain will then use that as ammo and say see I knew this would happen. We don’t like us either. This is true and will always be true. We are unlikable. Done deal in your brain. It knew it all along.
Angie
