Laundry continued...

I am learning so much from this struggle with laundry.

Here is a peak into the thought download that uncovered my true feelings about laundry.

Thought Download: Laundry

I am responsible for this

It is my job to get done

I don't want to do it

Is there any way around it? Not really unless I hire it out

I get annoyed by it

This is always a problem

I don't really know how to do it

This problem is not going away

I might as well figure this out

Here are my new thoughts about laundry.

I can do this

I am figuring this out

I don't have to like it to do it

I might as well enjoy the process

God isn't punishing me with laundry

He could be glorified and worshipped in this simple act

Let's see how much fun I can have with doing the laundry

What is God teaching me about Him in this space

I wanted to share this process with you because I think this could be helpful to you. You can do the same thing. You can examine your current thoughts about something and see what that thinking is making you feel.

From the top list I feel: responsible, annoyed, frustrated, rejecting it, incapable, inadequate, done

Where the bottom list I feel: capable, curious, neutral, not punished or off the hook, worshipful, FUN, teachable.

As I am shifting in my mindset I feel totally different about laundry. Isn't that funny 😀.

From feeling capable, curious, and neutral I asked around about different ways to actually do laundry. I admitted I didn't know what to do, but that I was learning. And that I had a desire to change in this one area. Feeling like I wanted to learn and that I was teachable created a space for me to want to learn and grow and get better at this area of my life. The thoughts that this could be worshipful, glorifying, and fun makes me want to find a time in my week to own this thing called laundry and to give it all back to God who gifted me with this in the first place.

The other day my 3 year old was whining about not wanting to take a nap. I told her there is really no way around it. You have to lay down and get rest so you can wake up and feel rejuvenated and play. I told her she had two options but with either option she was ultimately taking a nap. You can either fuss, whine, refuse it, get a consequence and still take a nap. Or you can get happy about taking a nap and just do it, take the nap. Either way the nap is happening, the question is, do you enjoy it or refuse it? I think God was actually talking to me. He said, "Here's the thing the laundry is going to happen, you can either throw a fit about it and have the consequences of that, or you can get happy about it and let it be a blessing to you." Thanks God, I needed that reminder even if it came in the form of a whining 3 year old.

But see, it isn't just laundry. We all have areas that we are rejecting. For me it was laundry but for you it could be singleness, or dating, or your job, or your weight, or your family situation, or any current circumstances in your life. How are your current thoughts about that making you feel?

Does your current thought download look like mine about your dating, singleness, losing weight, managing your schedule, laundry, adulting, or your job?

Could you sit down and identify the thoughts that are keeping you stuck in your current results. Because although I would have liked to blame others for my current results with laundry, the reason I had this struggle was me. And I hate to break it to you sister, but it is you. If you don't like your current results with singleness, dating, your job, your bank account, your weight. It is you! Now that we have that settled, what are you going to do about it?

I offer you some of the thoughts that shifted for me and see if you like them.

I can do this

I am figuring this out

I don't have to like it to do it

I might as well enjoy the process

God isn't punishing me with...

He could be glorified and worshipped in this simple act

Let's see how much fun I can have with...

What is God teaching me about Him in this space

I hope some of these thoughts shift you just a bit so that like me and laundry, game on!

I am going to love laundry this week.

Here's to shifting,

Angie

I don't know how

These words are creating some interesting results in my life.

I have this problem it is called LAUNDRY. Do you know it? So here is the dilemma.

Saturday and Sunday: no problem throwing some loads in but then it all goes down hill from there

Monday: I see a couple baskets full of clean clothes. I sort them into baskets based on each person, which feels productive, like I am getting somewhere.

Tuesday: kids, myself, and husband need clothes and instinctively know to come to look through the baskets

Wednesday: I get frustrated about clothes and determine I am going to do something about this problem. Which really means I am just going to talk about it, or complain, or beat myself up.

Thursday: I think about putting the clothes away, but get distracted with starting more laundry because all of the laundry baskets are in use and I have dirty clothes sort of getting mixed in with clean clothes

Friday: I am baffled that a fairy has not resolved my problem and then resort to being angry at the world and other humans because of my LAUNDRY PROBLEM.

Repeat the cycle.... Do you know what the problem is. These words.

I don't know.

I truly believe I don't know how to make this work. Like, I really don't know how to wash, dry, fold, and put away clothes.

What I know how to do is: wash, dry, put in baskets and then get angry at the world. I am good at that one for sure!

But what is so funny to me is that I have had this problem forever. Like I think my whole life. It has just become magnified because I am now involved with more people's laundry.

But, at the core I have never had the thought, "I know how to do laundry.". So I started thinking.... how do people who do their laundry (wash, dry, fold & put it away) think about it. I bet they don't spend as much drama as I do around the issue. I bet they figured out a system and then just did it. I bet they decided Monday I do this. Tuesday I do this. Wednesday, and so on. Me I fight with the reality that I have to do LAUNDRY. Like fighting against it is going to change the outcome. No, news flash. If I don't change my thinking about Laundry, it doesn't change!

So I feel like I have had a wake-up call.

I am figuring out how to do laundry all the way through. I am going to make a plan for this up coming week and I am going to follow it. I don't know how but the only way I will know how is to make a plan try it and see how it goes. I am pretending I am doing a science experiment. It is called LAUNDRY. I am going to try out my steps, collect some data, and see if my hypothesis is correct. I want to know how many loads it is going to take to do all the laundry. How long does it take to sort, fold, and put away all of the clothes? I am going to start by figuring out exactly what it takes to get this done and then I am going to figure out my how and when. See so scientific.

But, when I think I am becoming someone who knows how to do LAUNDRY. It is like all of the sudden I have this super power. I am unstoppable. There is no drama around it. It is not up for negotiation. I am doing the Laundry. And when my lower brain offers me the thought, "um, hello, you don't really know how to do laundry."

My response is, "Watch me!"

What are you saying, "I don't know how to do that" to? Is it meet a guy, go on a date, do the laundry, eat healthy, exercise, lose weight, keep up with friends, manage it all, take care of myself? What are those words causing you? I didn't realize that at the root was the thought, "I don't know how to do that." I am so glad I figured it out, because now I know where to start. I may not know how, but I can figure it out.

Did you know every problem is figureoutable?? I love that word (I think Marie Forleo is credited for that word, so don't quote me :)

So, start there... what are you saying I don't know how to and what if you did know?

Here's to solving all the problems!

Angie

Do you play the Blame Game?

I did…it’s a horrible game actually. You never win.

I often blamed others for how I felt. I think I have done this since, forever.

I blamed the weather for ruining my plans. I blamed the computer for stressing me out. I blamed my co-worker for making me angry. I definitely blamed the scale for making me feel fat.

These are negative feelings that I attributed to others, but I did this with the positive feelings too. The ice cream made me happy. The invitation made me feel included. The smile made me feel accepted. The note and flowers made me feel love.

It left me struggling to feel in control of my emotions. No wonder I struggled, because I allowed both positive and negative emotions to be effected by everything and everyone else.

And the flip side was even worse, because, I thought that I made other people feel positive and negative emotions too. So, I was stuck trying to have others make me happy, and believing I made others happy. Do you do this? This kept me feeling STUCK emotionally. My total emotional well-being was 100% based on how I made others feel and how others made me feel.

Add on to this the fact that I was a total people-pleaser, and had fully bought into the lie that I was good at making others happy. :) WOW, this all created a tornado effect emotionally in my life because I constantly was trying to CONTROL everything and everyone.

If people make you feel a certain way, you really want them to act in a way that makes you feel happy. But sure enough they don’t act the way you want them to, and then you wind up feeling mad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, and hurt. All because of how they act.

But what if this wasn’t true? What if people can act however they want, life can happen how ever it does and it doesn’t have the power to control your emotions?

Because, guess where emotions come from…. your thoughts. You can think about anything however you want. It can rain and you can still choose to think about it in a way that makes you put on your rain boots and splash in muddy puddles. The computer can stop working and you can look at it as a chance to work with pencil and paper, or work on something else. Your co-worker can act however they want to act and you can be curious instead of judgmental. The scale can show any number and you can still feel proud, worthy, and beautiful.

Circumstances can’t control you, only you can control how you look at your circumstances.

This is the best news ever, because then we don’t have to go around trying to control other people or things all the time. That is exhausting, believe me I know :).

The way you think about something is how it makes you feel. You are completely in control of your feelings. You are responsible for your happiness and your unhappiness.

We see this often come up in relationships. Often when dating, people say this is what I need to be happy, or feel loved, or for connection. But then we use that list to blame the other person because they don’t act that way and therefore are creating unhappiness, not feeling love, or lack of connection. This doesn’t work. It can be vital to relationships because it forces you to be dependent on the other person. It also puts a lot of responsibility on the other person to act exactly how you want them to. But the best relationships happen when two people take care of their own needs first, and then come together to enjoy their time together. I am loved, valued, safe, happy, connected because of how I think. I then come to my relationship not thinking about what they do for me, or how they make me feel, but that we just get to enjoy each other’s company.

When you take full responsibility for your emotional well-being you allow other people to behave the way they want and you get to behave the way you want. You are responsible for your actions and you let them be responsible for their actions. It is so freeing and a whole lot less controlling!

Where are you placing blame in your life? What are you trying so hard to control? Are you blaming singleness, or that guy that you just dated for anything?

Working on controlling just me,

Angie

P.S. I have so much fun stuff in store the next couple of weeks. Next week I have 5-Days of Giveaways (you don’t want to miss your chance at some amazing free prizes, check out my IG and FB) and then the following week August 5-9th I am doing a really fun 5-Day Challenge How to feel content right where you are. Join me for all of this!

Checking off the boxes

Our life is not our own, and we know this but deep down we fight against it. We want ownership of things. Our lower brain wants certainty. That is why we love lists and boxes to be checked off. Our brains get a dopamine hit when we check, tick, cross off. There is certainty in that plan. But if we are not careful, we do that with our lives too. Go to college- check, get married- check, dream job- check, have babies- check, dream house- check, etc.   

But what happens when you don’t get what you want or when you can’t check the box? For me it was graduate college, check, dream job, check, but kind of stopped there.  Babies, house, future, true happiness, was all dependent on the box get married. I was not checking that one off, and it felt uncertain. So, now what? How do we dream about the future and move forward when there was so much uncertainty about that box right there, marriage? And why was it so hard to check that box off? 

Each birthday and year that passed by was just a reminder that my future was becoming my present and time was “running out”. As my 30th birthday was approaching I could see all this tension because life was just not going as PLANNED. 

I love Jeremiah 29:11; I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and give you a future.  

When I think, He knows the plans for me, I feel secure. When I think, He will prosper me, I feel taken care of. And when I think, He gives me a future, I feel purposeful. 

Plans… seem so pretty, but can be really painful at the same time. To own something, to steward it well, we kind of need a plan. And plans feel certain. But what happens when the certain doesn’t happen?

We tend to make it mean something about us. We make it mean there is something wrong with us. We failed, or we didn’t make it happen. We aren’t pretty enough for marriage. Or, we are too much for guys. Or my personal favorite… I made it mean, I was too independent. But what if we look at the plan as well, this is a part of the plan. See, God tells us that your life is mine, but He doesn’t give us a step by step layout of the how. He leaves that a mystery. What we are certain of is; we are born and we die. Everything else is well uncertain…. That makes me feel good! But how do we steward our life than, with the little certain knowledge that we do have?  We look at it through the eyes of God. He has this for me for a reason. He is doing something in the midst of this unknown for me. 

I recently heard a sermon on this passage by Tim Keller. He shared the context of Jeremiah 29 and how Jeremiah was actually speaking to those that were in exile. The people that were a part of the first group of exiles taken from Jerusalem to Babylon were the tradesmen or experts in their field, and Daniel was a part of this group. Now, before he tells them that God knows the plans for them, he goes on to give them some directions about how they should be living in exile. He says, “Build houses, plant gardens, get married, have kids, and THRIVE.” He was telling those in exile; listen up…. Don’t just wait it out… don’t just try and survive this.  Go and make the most of this time in your life, even when it isn’t going the way you had planned it. When I heard this, I thought man single women need to know these verses context. You may think that this is your exile. Singleness; the place you never thought you would be, but God is saying, “Do this season well, thrive” And the reason He is saying that is because verse 11. I know the plans I have. It may seem like it is not working out, but be certain of this. I AM in control of this ALL.

It is good to know that your brain wants certainty, because you can see why this uncertainty causes it problems. And since everyone around you seems to be doing the same things like getting married and then having kids, it is easier to say this is the way it should go and my life is not going the way everyone else’s does.  But what if you looked at it with a totally different perspective? My life is NOT mine. I am blessed with the privilege to steward MY story. The story unfolding around me is fill in the blank. Proverbs 16:9 says, We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. He wants us to plan and dream and go for the Gold! He wants us to make lists and check them off, but when they don’t get checked off. Don’t make it mean something bad about you, make it mean something amazing about God. What does He want for you?  What does He have for you? It doesn’t mean stop the planning, go right on with the planning. Just know that His plan is the best. The unchecked box doesn’t have to feel painful. Maybe you were meant to see 30 and the marriage box not be checked, it is OK. Something I have learned is, that my plans seem great, but HIS blow my mind!  

Planning with open hands right along with you,

Angie

Your relationship with you

Did you know that you will be with you more than any other person?

Kind of a fascinating thought. I will spend the most time with myself. So, when I think about it that way I might as well have a fabulous relationship with myself. And, this should be the relationship that I put the most work into. What I didn’t know until recently is that your relationship with yourself is just the thoughts you think about you. I have 65,000 thoughts that run through my head a day, most of them unconsciously, and many of them are about me. Thoughts about what I do, how I look, what I say, and even think.  And, once I started to pay attention to the thoughts, I have about myself, I realized that they were pretty negative and harsh.

Why are we so critical of ourselves?

Well, your lower brain, or primitive brain, is constantly scanning the environment and looking for danger.  When we do something that is interpreted by our lower brain as danger, it alerts us to it and wants to heighten our attention to it so we will respond to it. Our brain wants us to do something about it. So, when I say something to someone and they respond defensively or different than I am expecting, my brain is working hard to let me know. This happened to me recently in a conversation and it is so funny how quickly my inner dialogue was, “Wow, you really messed that conversation up, you said too much, you didn’t give them time to respond, you always do that, you really need to work on that, that is so unappealing to others, you really need to think through things before just blurting them out.”

I felt like I couldn’t even trust myself, and that I should speak perfectly. It is like I can’t make a mistake in conversation. Or I can’t say something and someone else not agree with me. So, that felt restricted and harsh. I felt like I had just gotten a lecture from myself and It was painful.       

So, recently I started thinking why do I talk to myself like that?  Why am I quick to flip to judgment and sentences like; you always, never, etc….? And you know what,  I think that my brain thought, “That conversation felt uncomfortable, let’s not have uncomfortable again, so YOU need to change and quickly.”  And my quickest way to change is a harsh talking to. But, why can’t I feel uncomfortable? What is so bad with that feeling. You know, sometimes conversations don’t go the way we thought. Or sometimes someone takes something differently than you were meaning it. I think it is supposed to go that way actually. I don’t want people to always agree with me. But why do I quickly interpret that as BAD? And then make it mean, that I am bad. This is an area I want to work on.

So how do I do that?

I want to investigate what is really going on for me and dig deeper beyond the surface of don’t ever do that again. Because let’s be honest, it is going to happen again.  If you know me, I like conversation, and deep ones at that. There will be conversations that make me uncomfortable, but I need to let my brain in and say, “Hey, we are fine, nothing is wrong, we are having a conversation. We both have two different views and at times that feels weird or uncomfortable, but that is a part of life, and I don’t always have to walk away beating myself up or lecturing myself.”

So, my inner dialogue needs a tune up. My tune up looks like being curious instead of harsh and judgmental. And you know what, it feels better. When I mess up, and let me tell you that is often, and I ask myself, “Hey, what was going on there, what happened?” I am so much gentler and graceful and patient, and accepting.

Matthew 22:39 Love your neighbor as yourself. I really started to think about how am I loving myself?

I can begin loving myself by treating myself kindly, compassionately, and investigative instead of harsh, indifferent, and accusatory.

As I have begun to work on this my relationship with myself is changing. I think about myself differently and on purpose. I look in the mirror and choose how I want to feel about me. I want to glorify God with my thoughts about me, who He created. I want to look at my personality and the way He has wired me with gratitude and not judgment. I want to practice patience with the parts of me that I wish had changed like yesterday. I want a quality relationship with myself, and that boils down to choosing quality thoughts about myself. It comes down to the way I talk to myself and the way I choose to think about what I say or do.

 How are you doing in this area? Have you stopped to notice your inner dialogue? Are you critical with the way you look, say, think, or the things you do? Instead of being critical what if you could be curious?

Try it… loving yourself feels a whole lot better than hating yourself :)

Here’s to being curious,

Angie Woods