“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

As a single woman it can be hard to view your singleness through the lens of excellent. It is much easier to view it through the lens of less than ideal. As a woman approaches 30 and is yet to be married, she can question what went wrong, or what is wrong with her. Those questions can leave her looking at singleness from a negative lens.

But this verse right here informs us that we have a choice. We can choose to look at singleness through a new lens. The Philippians 4:8 lens allows us to look at our circumstances and see Him.

As I focus my attention on the good parts of my circumstances it allows me to enjoy it more. It allows me to praise God. I can start to see the good parts. I’m not trying to escape it like it’s a disease. I see possibilities and opportunities. 

When I was single and almost 30 I remember battling with thoughts that were the opposite of this verse. I remember thinking about how hard, unfair, and lonely it was. I couldn’t get out of the downward spiral that just kept me spinning in sadness, frustration, and anger. It was not drawing me closer to Him, it was actually pulling me further into a hole of self-pity. I couldn’t see a way out. I couldn’t see how my singleness was good, lovely, or praiseworthy. I could only see the negative.

This might be where you are. But I want you to know that your lower brain is designed to magnify the negative. The Lord gave us the lower brain to look out for danger, but too often our lower brain magnifies the negative, and identifies it as danger. But you don’t have to keep looking at it that way. You can see that your brain is presenting all of the negative to you, but looking at it through that lens brings you further from the Lord.

All of our circumstances here on Earth are meant to be for His glory and our good.

So if you can take a step back and look at your current circumstances through that lens, you can see that you don’t have to view everything from that negative filter. You can reframe it and take your current circumstances through the Philippians 4:8 filter. In this particular circumstance, what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and/or praiseworthy?

At first it might be hard to come up with some answers. But just keep focusing your thoughts on purpose. I often allow my thoughts to be where they are, and then I decide my thoughts on purpose.

You don’t have to believe every thought your brain gives you. Your brain can tell you this is bad, or awful, and you can let your brain know, “I hear you, but I don’t believe you.”

When you learn how to reframe your thoughts you can carry this skill into other areas of your life. You might want to reframe work, finances, housing, or friendships.

This filter will never fail you because it will ultimately lead you to Him. It is natural for you to see whatever is wrong, different, or bad. It is a skill to filter it through whatever is good.

Father, Thank you for reminding me to think on purpose, and thank you for giving me parameters for how I can direct my thoughts. Regardless of my circumstances you desire for me to glorify you by thinking of them in this way. Help me when I struggle and give me the strength to do this work that leads me closer to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

For Deeper Study:

2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (NIV) 

What is one thought about your singleness or any circumstance in your life that you want to make obedient to Christ?

How can you practically take your thoughts captive? 

I’d love to hear from you!

Share your thoughts in the comments.