So, you’re doing it. You’re going to actually get dressed up, and meet him. A guy you might have been chatting with for awhile, for a hot minute, or maybe if you are super daring, you haven’t met at all. But needless to say it’s happening. 

And you have all the thoughts. Your brain is going to want to freak out. It will go from you two walking down the aisle and how you could have the cutest babies to you in a deep dark hole of despair because you shouldn’t have trusted him and spent all this time with him for NOTHING. And when this happens, because it will, I want to remind you nothing has gone wrong. Your brain is doing it’s job. You want to go to la-la-land, where rainbows and daisies and unicorns live because that is so fun and your brain wants you to go to the danger zone. It will bring up everything that could go drastically wrong and why this is a HORRIBLE idea to actually go out on this first date.

So what should you do?

Give into the danger and call it off? 

Well, you could. But if you do that, your toddler brain will always throw a fit when it is afraid of anything and this will keep you in a perpetual state of your brain finding problems and you believing your brain and staying in a cave. Where you will continually be reminded that you do want marriage and you do want a family and you do want to put yourself out there even when it is scary. So I don’t advise that.

I advise deciding ahead of time exactly how you want to think and feel when you go on this date.

So how do you do that. 

You figure out how you are currently feeling and you work to plant some amazing new thoughts so that you create an amazing first date experience for you.

Here are my favorite 5 Tips for going on your first date

1. Decide that this date has nothing to do with your worth, value, or lovability. Who you are has nothing to do with if this guy likes you. You are 100% lovable, right now. You get to step into that belief, and when you do, you reap the benefits of knowing you are amazing, beautiful, and lovable just the way you are. He will have his thoughts about you, but your thoughts about you are super important because if you are sold on who you are, you don’t need him to agree with you. I encourage you to think amazing thoughts about who God made you to be. This date is absolutely neutral. You decide what this date is and you don’t make it mean anything about you.
   

2. Use this date as a great learning opportunity. Some people take courses and classes on-line to learn new things, you go on dates. You are trying to figure out what kind of guy you are interested in. You are looking to see what is available. You do not have to make this work. You are not desperate and this is your only shot at a date. This is perfect because you are open to learning so much about yourself, about him, and even about dating in general. So the way to learn is to really be conscious of your thoughts while on the date. How are you feeling and why? Does he compliment you and you feel pretty? You are actually just believing what he said. If you are checking him out and you notice his shoes aren’t that stylish, what are you making that mean? This date is actually an opportunity to level up your thinking. Knowing what your brains default thoughts are, the ones your brain will try and offer you on this date, will help you know what thoughts you can work on.
   

3. Choose amazing thoughts about him. When I think I’m going to have a great time tonight, I create that. When I think he is going to be awesome, I typically find some awesome things about him. Just because you think really great thoughts about him, does not mean you will fall for him. It means you will set yourself up to create a neutral playing field. Your brain will offer you low grade dangerous thoughts about him, to keep you playing small. You get to offer great thoughts to keep it neutral. Just practice making every circumstance factual. If he shows up 5 minutes later than you did, don’t make it mean something ridiculous about him, just the facts.
   

4. Stay curious. When you think I wonder what he’s like, and what he thinks, and what he’s passionate about, you feel curious. And when you are curious you show up inquisitive and eager to learn. You create a really fun atmosphere where you can both explore. But you need to drop your expectations of how he should act. Let him be him. You be you. And this is just an opportunity to see if you two are a good fit together. Bring your best self to the table (with those amazing thoughts about you) and believe you will be met with his best self. Staying curious with him will also help you to stay curious with yourself. When you leave the date, ask yourself questions. How are you feeling? What are you thinking? I pretend that my best friend is asking me great questions and I fire back responses to see where I am.
   

5. Create peace and drop the anxiety. You will want to be afraid that you might like him and he won’t like you. You might not know exactly how to act. You might be afraid you aren’t good enough for him. You might think it is going to be awkward. Your brain will bring all the thoughts to make you feel scared. You get to work at creating peace. I love to believe that whatever happens tonight, I can handle it. I know that tonight is going to help me get stronger in this area of my life. I tell myself that I can handle uncomfortable, awkward, and everything in between. I remind myself that God is with me. I keep focusing on all that is good and try and stop looking at all the danger. Every thought that tries to pull me away, I just counter act with a thought that brings peace. Remember your brain is going to tell a story about this experience. Try writing out the story ahead of time. That will help your brain. And then when the date is over, create a story that you like telling. Don’t tell some dopey story about how awful it was and you shouldn’t go on dates and they never work out. Write a story that talks about all you learned about yourself, all your growth, all that you were proud of in how you showed up to it. Tell that story over and over.

Going on dates can be an experience that you live through. Though your brain will say otherwise.  You want to get good at dating. Really you only want to go on one date, it work out, and you never have to date again. But…. that may or may not happen. You don’t know until you try.

I know so many women that have horrible first date stories, and I know so many women that had great first date stories. But the reality is that everyone that is married went on a first date at some point in their lives. You are hoping to go on a first date with the guy that will be your forever date. You can make this date fun, and filled with learning, and remove the unnecessary anxiety and drama that your brain would LOVE to have. It all starts by deciding. I am going to make dating great. I am going to learn so much from it. I am going to think amazing thoughts about myself, him, and dating in general. Those thoughts are available to you. They might not be the most popular thoughts on the block right now. But I dare you to think them anyways.

Rooting for ya,

Angie